burst

though no one read my writing i'd still write because i cannot hold on to it any longer.too much being kept inside.so far,these few months,i've been attacked with a lot of things.things that somehow has changed my character a little.many noticed it.i didn't notice it at first but after few people has been telling me over and over again about the changes i had gone to,i thought they were right.which is not good.a good change is okay but going around and not controlling my anger is not good.yes.i have anger management issue.i don't know why but i tend to get angry easily even over small things.i don't know what have got inside me.suddenly,i am a person who gets angry a lot,over sensitive which i can't accept but its just the way i am now.perhaps this college thing that drives me mad.i don't like staying here in Jengka.i cry a lot.24/7.the only time i don't cry is when i'm sleeping.especially this week,one hell of a week.i keep crying and crying and crying even though its only monday.only 2nd day of the week.i feel bad to myself.i feel so stupid.i feel so lonely.i don't have anyone to talk to.i just wish i can go home and stay there for as long as i want.i just want to be home so bad.i'm not saying that i have homesick issue but there are reasons of why i just want to be home so bad.i can't cope with my studies like everyone does.i see they are doing perfectly fine but me?i'm slow.and when i see others are doing fine except for me thats when i just want to alone and be home but i can't afford to do so because my college is nothing near to my house.i texted my closed friends.everytime they returned my calls,and when i heard their voices,can't help much,can't stop myself from crying.i can't talk to my mum for the same reason,i'd cry.the worst ever.i should stop writing.writing this down is pointless because i don't feel better at all.

lame

the last time i blogged was zillion years ago.didn't have much to spill.wait.no.i lie.a lot of thoughts that are still trapped in my tiny mind but i don't think it is necessary for me to write down because even if i write it down,it will only contribute me more depressing facials.sad cases.Miss July is a one month that brought my laughter and tears together.but i can hardly remember the times that i sincerely smile.i'd put up a lot of fakes smiles this whole month because i didn't want to create any scenes.times when people saw me smiling and thought i had everything under control while the truth is i hide all my pains.but as time moved.things started to get better.Alhamdulillah.slowly.so i got the offer to further my studies and yes i get what i applied.on the other hand, as much as i like or happy that i finally get what i wanted, i didn't get what i wanted too.confusing much?yes.i got what i wanted to further in but not at the place i wanted.so i decided not to think about it too hard because i thought another miracle would surprise me.unfortunately, the magic didn't occur.i was expecting that i might be getting one offer from any of the unis i've applied through the UPU but i didn't.i was so excited to change scene but as i was just about to get excited,sadness haunt me first.i didn't get any offer from any of the unis.so what i did was,i actually appealed for UM again.so the result of whether i'm accepted or the other way around will only be revealed in 2 weeks time.Meanwhile, despite things may look ugly, berkat sabar,Allah answered my pray.He listened to my pray and he surprised me with a magic.i was extremely happy when i heard the news and Zureen was there,witnessing my actions and happy face!therefore, i'd like to take this opportunity to say ALHAMDULILLAH.THANK YOU ALLAH.

adrenaline rush

my heart is beating twice faster that it normally does!i am so nervous which left me with no words to say.speechless!

*pray everything's going to be fine*

saga

yes.its 651 freaking in the morning when i am writing this.i'm about to sit for first paper for final exam today at 9.i can't say much.i don't know if i've got everything in my head.the best thing to do now is to relax and not to think hard about what and how the questions will look like and wondering if i can answer them perfectly.so far i can say,i am at a point where i feel safe.i scored my tests just the way i wanted them to be and the rest i leave everything to my finals.hopefully what i have been memorizing and sleepless nights will be paid off.reading subject has never fails to make me cry which i did once last night and praying it will not happen twice.i'm praying hard to Him now that i can walk out of the hall with a big smile on my face.that's what i want the most now.please pray for me to win in the battle.i better get back to my revision.bye.

bang your head against the wall

final starts in 2 days time!2 days not 20 days!i should be doing my revision instead of THIS!

dull

it has been awhile since i last wrote here..i don't have much to say..one thing for sure is that my journey in JB has come to its end.i've spent 3 long years..not quite long actually since i can still remember what had happened when i first came to JB.nothing much.3 years in JB has somehow taught me to be a little more stronger person and to appreciate with what you have.i have less than 1 month till my finals starts.this is the last time i can score and i aim high this time..to push my pointer just a little more higher then i'll be satisfied.this sem is treating me differently from previous sem.a lot of things happened within the past 3 months.went through some unforgettable bitter and precious moments as it will remain in the invisible diary of mine.enough said.

i have better things to write rather than spilling every thoughts here.

asta lavista.bye

6 years just flew

i remember the moment when i first sat next to her in class 6 years ago.when we were just 15.i never thought that we would end up as bestfriend and we are still counting the days and i am very grateful for having her as one of closest person,that i can share things with.6 years just flew.i hope we'll stay in touch and grow even closer until the next 60 years to come.jyeahh!u step into a whole new era 7 months before i do.so enjoy.be a good girl!

HAPPY 21ST SYA!